


Hollow

by Ferrera



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam Winchester, Multi, Needy Sam Winchester, Pining Sam Winchester, Season/Series 08, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 17:36:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18815752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferrera/pseuds/Ferrera
Summary: Sam never quite found what he was looking for during his time in Kermit, Texas.





	Hollow

She probably hadn’t thought much of it, given how easily she went along with it the first time he'd asked. She’d come while he fucked her, couldn’t keep going, too sensitive. Instead, she’d taken him into her mouth, and after a while he’d taken her hand, pushed it down, past his balls, between his cheeks. “Just touch me there,” he’d said, and she’d complied, rubbing two slim fingers over his hole.  
  
He couldn’t get there, and when her jaw had become sore and aching, he’d dared to ask her to push her fingers inside. She’d sucked her index finger into her mouth before pushing in easily, her fingers so much smaller than what he’d been used to months ago, before Dean disappeared. Although it felt sort of comforting, having someone’s fingers inside him again, it didn’t feel nearly as good as Dean filling him up in whichever way. Nothing ever did.  
  
She finds his toy collection only a couple of weeks after they’ve moved in together. Four dildos, two vibrators, one plug. “Did you carry those around while you were traveling with Dean?” she asks jokingly, and Sam forces himself to laugh along. He’d bought the first one a couple months after they’d met. Skin-colored, regular-sized, barely-pronounced veins he couldn’t feel. It turned out to be not nearly big enough, and a couple weeks later he’d bought another one. 

Nothing’s ever good enough. The biggest ones make his belly bulge, stretch his hole wider than Dean ever had, but he still feels hollow inside, hungry for more. It’s just not the same when he’s doing it himself, when he’s the one who sets the pace, who’s in control. 

He asks her, and she goes along with it. Asks him which one he wants her to use, nods shortly as he points at a slightly above average sized dildo. She tells him to finger himself, get himself ready. He’s kneeling on the bed, turned away from her, facing the wall as he opens himself up. Remembers how he used to put on a show for Dean, teasingly dipping his fingers inside, throwing his head back as he’d push in deeper. Spreading his cheeks, showing Dean his well-prepared hole, ready to get fucked hard.

No teasing now. He’s clinical, efficient. “Just do it,” he says, handing her the lube. He keeps his eyes focused on the wall, listens how she slicks up the fake dick. She places one hand on his ass, spreads him a little, then places the tip of the dildo against his hole, pushing inside so, so carefully. She takes the lead, controls the movements, decides how much he gets, just like he asked, but it’s nothing like he hoped for. He tries to hold himself still, to stay pliant, knows he shouldn’t get too demanding, already asking a lot of her. He has to bite his tongue to keep himself from telling her how she’s supposed to do it, how Dean used to fuck him. Afterwards, when they lie in bed, her head on his chest, he doesn’t feel nearly as satisfied as he’d hoped. 

Then, he fucks up. They’ve been together for about ten months now, and he keeps asking for bigger, for more. He brings home a strap-on for her to wear, a leather harness with a big, black cock attached to it, but she turns him down.

“Please, Amelia,” he says, “I need— I need to be stuffed full, I need to get fucked.” 

Dean’s been gone for a year now. With each day passing, it gets harder to hold on to the memory of their last time together, Dean’s mouth on his, his body covering Sam’s, strong hands cupping his face as he’d fucked Sam slowly, surrounding him completely, filling him up so, so good. 

“I can’t, Sam,” she says, “what you’re asking of me— I can’t. There’s an emptiness inside you no toy can fill.”  
  
To hear her say it out loud feels like a punch to the gut, even though deep down, he’s always known that the toys were nothing but a poor substitute for his brother. He’d been stupid to think she wouldn’t see it, even if she doesn’t know just how empty he feels without Dean. He wants to deny it, beg her to fuck him, but he knows it’s not fair. To lie to himself is one thing, but she deserves better than that. Sooner or later, he’s got to be honest with her. She’s been trying so hard to build a new life for them, to be there for him, to give him what he needs. All in vain. No toy could ever make him feel whole again, and neither could she.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This little ficlet is posted [here](https://saintedevote.tumblr.com/post/184830435869/she-probably-hadnt-thought-much-of-it-given-how) on tumblr if you'd like to save/reblog :)


End file.
